Down in the dumps

"Although, my experience when I've been depressed, not only am I too depressed to sit down and write a song, I'm too depressed to pick up my feet. So if you can at least write about it, you're halfway away from it."  Paul Westerberg

Week 31

I have an abscessed tooth.  Ouch…it’s really painful…I laid in bed last night snuggled up to a heating pad next to my right jaw and cried myself to sleep, praying for the pain to go away…  I’ve been on antibiotics for several days now, but no miracles.  And the pain pills the Dr. gave me made me feel sick to my stomach and way too weird, so instead I have opted for a double dose of ibuprofen every 4 hours…and today I’m kicking it up to every 3 ½ hours.  I’m scheduled for a root canal this week and then I have to follow that procedure up with another dentist doing a crown.  I have a phobia about dentists…which goes back to when I was ten years old.  I can hardly open my mouth to slide the spoonful of soup in…and I’ve been without my chocolate mint for 6 days now.   

My mother died this month…. I still find myself sobbing at the most inopportune times.  My husband’s mother was recently released from the ICU at the hospital and is now in a rehab, so we have been routinely going by to help her with her meals. People staying at the rehab are for the most part old, sick, and a tad crazy…at least that how it feels when I go to visit with an abscessed tooth.  My mother-in-law  is basically just laying in a bed (with very little eyesight and is mostly stone deaf).  She has spent most of her days in a parallel position since the morning when she was rushed in an ambulance from her condo where she lived alone, independently….That was over a month ago …..I'm sure it feels more like a lifetime ago for that poor woman.

My husband has been sick all week…he described it as having his head in a vise and razor blades in his mouth.  I heard from one of daughters, that lives across the country, and she has a stomach bug and is trying to manage her two small children while fending off diarrhea and vomiting.   My three year old granddaughter fell and busted her chin open and spent hours in the ER gluing it back together. Another daughter, also far away, just emailed to talk about her first week back to work after having her baby in December.  She is tired, and coping with the fact that she will be facing long days and sleepless nights.  I spoke with my sister and she has a cold, with a sore throat and cough…she says she’s hanging in there. I met a friend for coffee a few days ago…she shared with me that after 4 weeks of tests, including a spinal tap, blood tests, x-rays and multiple examinations, she has been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I’m depressed, down in the dumps, feeling sorry and sad for myself, my family and my friends.

But, as I write this blog I am reminded that there is a season for everything.  Also kind of like the 'Ying' and the 'Yang' of life.  We know joy…because we had a season of pain.  We feel relaxed, because we had a season of stress. We appreciate feeling rested because we’ve gone without sleep.  We cling to life…because we have seen death.  We long for wellness…because we’ve been sick.  We enjoy being full…because we’ve been hungry. 

I’m confident that I will feel better this time next week, but others may not… I feel for them…I feel compassion; Compassion for those that are sick and hurting… those that ache for a loved one gone away… those that wish they could be closer to their children…those that want to be independent again and realize that they can’t…  for those that care for the sick, and hurt right along with them…..and for those that are afraid of the dentist....I feel compassion.

Small step:  When I feel better, I will do something for someone in pain.

As always, you can email me at smallsteps4bigresults@yahoo.com or leave your comment below.