Take Responsibiltiy

 

  "If it's never our fault, we can't take responsibility for it.

 If we can't take responsibility for it, we'll always be its victim." Richard Bach 

 

I asked my students to do an activity in class this week.  I wrote the following few words on the board, and told them to fill in the blank.     I can't..................

Then, we went around the class and they each read their statements.
 
Here were some of their responses: I can't lose weight, I can't get to class on time, I can't seem to stop procrastinating, I can't quit smoking, I can't do math, I can't run a mile without stopping to rest, I can't cook, I can't set goals and stick with it, I can't remember to put gas in my car, I can't keep my room clean, I can't get an A in English, I can't get to bed early, I can't keep my mouth closed when my mom tells me what to do...........

How would you fill in the blank?

I then had the students go back around the classroom, and instead of saying "I can't", they had to replace their first sentence with 'I won't'.. Example: I won't lose weight, I won't get to class on time, I won't stop procrastinating, I won't keep my mouth shut when my mom tells me what to do.....

Afterwards, I asked my students to discuss how saying their sentence with the word 'won't' felt differently.  The students made comments like this:
"I felt stupid saying I won't,"
"I think it's more depressing to say you won't,"
"It feels like I really can't do it, when I say I won't,"
"It feels like I'm not really capable of it, I'd rather say can't."
"I didn't feel bad explaining my I can't...because saying I can't kind of let's me off the hook, like when I say I can't quit smoking, or I can't lose the weight... it feels more like it's not my fault." 
"Yeah, when you say I can't, it's like you think people will feel bad for you...but when you say I won't,  then it's all you dude!" That got us all laughing.
"When I say I can't it makes me feel like something else is the cause of it, but when I say 'I won't', it seems more like it's a decision I've made."
"Saying I can't makes me feel more like a victim.... I'm more responsible when I say I won't."  

I try and sum up their conversation, "So, it sounds like you believe that saying I can't is easier on us and we feel less responsible for our circumstances; it's not our fault.  But when we say 'I won't', it takes us out of the victim role and puts us in control...it becomes our decision.  It makes us realize we are responsible".

I ask the students if they agree with that statement. They nod their heads.

One student then breaks in...."So then, we need to stop saying we can't, because we can! We just have to realize that we made a decision  'not' to do it."

Bingo!

My students agreed to try to not say 'I can't' at all this week...but if they do, they will then have to rephrase it...this time inserting the word 'I won't' into the phrase. And then repeat this mantra; 'Remember...I am responsible'.

Walking back to my office after class,  I thought about sitting out on the patio at a friend's house earlier in the week, where she had placed an enormous bowl of kettle corn on the table.  I took one look at it and said, "Don't put that in front of me...I can't stay away from that stuff!"  Several more times while I was shoveling in the sugary kernels, I giggled and repeated ..."I just can't stop eating this popcorn."
 "No girlfriend, you won't stop eating it!  Remember...you are responsible!"

Care to go on a YouTube drive with Hans Schoff, as he discusses taking responsibility, despite the consequences.            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naL-WjS-OjA