Getting Unstuck



“When you feel “stuck,” the first thing you want to do is struggle.  Flailing about, throwing your weight around, trying harder and harder, pushing against the resistance you feel.  Only these things don’t get you unstuck.  In fact, they tend to make you sink deeper into whatever problem you are trying to solve.”    from a blog by Amanda Linehan

Weeks 36 and 37… flailing about

 

Week 38

I must say…I have found myself in a bit of a slippery, muddy hole; stuck and unable to climb out.  As you may have noticed I haven’t written anything on my blog for two weeks.  And although I can give you lots of excuses and explanations for not having the time to get them done, the truth is I have had plenty of weeks in the last 36 that were ‘crazy busy’ and yet I still managed to pen something.  The truth is, I actually did write several potential blogs and found myself being overly critical of them. The harder I tried to write something, the more resistance I felt.  So…I took the easy way out …and did nothing.

If you have been a reader of my blog since the beginning, then you know I initially started out to conduct my own experiment to find out if small steps would indeed bring big results.  And since I was turning 60, it seemed a perfect time to try and make changes in my life that would enhance my experiences and bring greater pleasure and satisfaction in my coming years.  I wanted to see if I could improve myself by setting and accomplishing small goals.

But as I wrote more and more about my experiences of my journey, along with the challenges and successes, I became more conscious that my audience was beginning to grow.  I have people from around the U.S, Alaska included, and what appears to be regular readers in Russia, Germany, Malaysia, Brazil and Jordan..  Oh my gosh!

I found myself beginning to worry, feeling pressure about how my readers would react to what I’m writing. I began checking the stats (a part of the blog program that allows me to see how many people are coming to my blog site) If I noted that only a few people were checking in on my blog that day…then I became anxious and feeling down, and if I saw a spike in readers, then I would get excited. My emotions seemed too often to be measured by my quantity of readers, rather than my success with my experiment.

I also became overly sensitive about people I saw or talked to in my life that read my blog.  If we chatted and they didn’t mention the blog, then I automatically thought they didn’t like it. I envisioned my readers sitting at their computers.   “Are they thinking that this is a very selfish endeavor? Are they yawning and whispering, “This is a bit of a ‘snoozer’.  Are my readers only politely checking in to see if maybe this week “she’s climbed off of her ‘me,me,me’ platform and will actually write about something that I can relate to?” ……………

Suffice it to say, I have been flailing about.

After pondering and reflecting on this problem I am struggling with, I have decided that I made a commitment to myself for this project.  That commitment was that this was going to be a year’s experiment.  My thinking was that if I wrote about my journey in an organized, blog format, and posted Monday of each week, then that would be a type of deadline for me and encourage and motivate me to stay with it.  It would also help to hold me more accountable for the goals I was setting for myself.  And frankly, that has worked very well for me, until recently. 

So as I try and get off this side road I have taken and back to the main pathway, I would still like to encourage you to join in on the journey and make it your own, and I’d love to get feedback from you if you feel the urge. But I’m determined not to sink deeper into this pit of self-doubt.  So forgive me if I go back to my original intent and blog as if I am writing a reflective journal (Selfish as that may be). 

Small step:  Get unstuck and be true to myself.

As always, you can comment on the blog intself, or email me at: smallsteps4bigresults@yahoo.com