Should I?



"We are a result of our thoughts and our actions" Unknown

How would you finish this sentence?  "I should........."

This week my students walked into class to find those two words written on the board and here are some of their responses: "I should get a job, I should go on a diet, I should be nicer to my sister, I should get more sleep, I should go to the writing center for help,  I should stop texting and driving, I should give up drinking sodas, I should read more, I should stop procrastinating, I should save some money, I should stop eating so much fast food, I should quit smoking, I should stop watching so much TV..."

Next, I crossed out the word 'should' and had them replace it with the word 'must'. We went back around and they re said their statements:  "I must get a job, I must go on a diet, I must stop texting and driving, I must save some money, I must stop eating so much fast food, I must quit smoking, I must stop watching so much TV"...

The class discussed their feelings about using both of the terms.
One student admitted, "I didn't want to say 'must' because I don't really want to stop watching TV....I like to watch TV." 
"So why did you say you should stop watching it to begin with?"  a student asked.
"Because I think I probably should, but if I say I must, that means I'm going to, and I don't want to."
Giggling heard around the room.

Another student spoke,  "Saying 'should' gives me more latitude; more wiggle room, than when I say 'I must'.  It's kind of like saying 'I should' allows me to sometimes text and drive."

"When we say 'must' it seems more like we're taking action, because when I say I must save money...then I must!"

"Here's how I think of it," another student joined in,"When I say 'should' I'm agreeing that I should do it, like when I said I should quit smoking...but I'm not actually committing to quitting..but it shows I have a good intention, doesn't it?... I  makes me feel better saying it anyway."

I asked them if they agreed with my following observation: I told them that I thought some students were looking at doing well in college as a 'should'.  Others saw doing well in college as a must.  I asked them which student was more likely to be successful.  One student responded in a murmur, "Well, duh!" 

"Do you remember our lesson from earlier this semester, "I asked....."The words we say create our reality? Well, I suggest that we all decide what the 'musts' in our lives are....and align are words with that."

I paused, "So, what do you think?" 

Quiet filled the air for a while.  "I can't tell if you guys are totally bored to tears, and being polite enough not to snore, or if you are deep in thought about this idea of 'should' and 'must'.  Or, maybe you just think you've got some kind of crazy old lady for a speech teacher!"

The students laughed and one responded. "I'm not speaking for the rest of the students...but  I'm in deep thought...another said she was too.  Another seemed to be struggling to articulate his thoughts. "Honestly, I just never thought about those two words meaning something different...and how using them might actually bring me a different result....I should think about this some more." Laughter..."I mean... I must think about this some more!"
.....................

Would you agree that too many of us, when setting our goals, do it with the 'should' in mind, instead of the 'must'?

More thoughts and lessons on this next time....

email me at: smallsteps4bigresults@yahoo.com