Doing Battle

                                

Must vs. Should

"All of the significant battles are waged within the self" Sheldon Kopp

As part of my goal planning for 2014, I said I was going to make a list of my 'musts' and also create a column for the overflow, which are my 'shoulds'.  You know, the more I think about these two words, (must and should) the more I realize they are at odds with each other.

Here's an example: Last week, I was talking to one of my students, and she was feeling totally overwhelmed.  Maria is a single mom, she works full time and goes to school.  She said her house was a mess and she knew she should work harder to keep it clean.  Her parents were complaining that she didn't have any time to come to Phoenix and visit them. She knew she should be a better daughter and go see them more often.  She said she felt guilty that she wasn't cooking better meals for her kids, wasn't spending enough time with them on their homework, and she was totally neglecting her friends.  She just felt she was always coming up short and should do more. 

"Whoa!" I said, "It sounds like your 'shoulds' are doing battle with the 'musts' in your life?" 

She didn't know what I was talking about so I explained to her that our 'musts' are those things in our lives that are most important to us right now. I asked her if she was clear on her 'musts'. She said, "I guess my 'musts' are taking care of my children, having and keeping my job, and going to school to prepare for a better future for me and my kids."

I asked if she thought that her 'musts' were a lot to do.  She said, “It is a lot!”  I agreed with her and suggested to Maria that she might do a better job with your 'musts' in her life, if she stopped fretting and feeling guilty about all the 'shoulds'?". 

Since my conversation with Maria, I been thinking more about her and so many others of us finding our lives overflowing with guilt about all the 'shoulds' that we think we need to be taking care of.  I am reminded that if we're going to be successful in achieving our goals and taking care of the 'musts', then we might just have to step in the ring, put on the gloves and go a few rounds with the 'shoulds'.

I can see that this idea of 'shoulds' and 'musts' is going to require more thought and consideration on my part. 

 

In the meantime, here's a YouTube about finding your priorities (shoulds) and getting things done: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehSn-C6iLxw  

Email me at: Smallsteps4bigresults@yahoo.com