Drawing a Line in the Sand

“Somewhere you draw a line in the sand ...
unless you have an unspoken policy to keep moving it.” 

Rosa Durando

Last week I mentioned I was going to need to do more thinking about the 'shoulds' and 'musts' in my life. Here's what I came up with:
 

I see an image in my mind of toy soldiers  standing firm and tall. These represent the 'musts' in our lives.  I think about the 'shoulds' and imagine them to be like 'Pac-man ghosts', annoying little chattering things that peck away at our sense of self worth, causing us guilt and distracting us from our 'musts'. 

I decided I needed to gather up all my 'shoulds' as if they were a hundred little 'pac-man ghosts' and find a nice big box to put them in and stick them in the closet and tell them to stay there until I have time to come back and get them.  Then I need to shut the door, forget about them and go focus on my 'musts'; those soldiers representing what's really important and matters most to me right now.

But here's an example of what happens: Take my student, Maria, that I told you about last week. She came to  realize that taking care of her kids, going to school, and keeping her job are her 'musts' right now. 

Let's say one afternoon Maria's at the grocery store, and down the aisle is that neighbor who has asked her several times to please come and help her sew a quilt. Maria hears that familiar voice from within, urging her on. "You know, you should...you know you should...you know you should."
Ah Ha! Maria looks down on her shoulder and sure enough...there sits a little devious 'should-man' poking and prodding her with his should, like it was a sharp metal toothpick, telling her she should take some time and go over to the neighbors house and  should help her make a quilt. 

Now, here's the deal...I believe there are only three things we can do when a 'should-man' appears: 

#1. We can do the thing that the should tells us to do.  If the 'should-man' tells me I should go visit my neighbor and make a quilt with her, and I decide to just go do it....then poof!..  The little guy will disappear and the should is gone; although, if I do this very often,  I will no doubt find myself doing a poor job of taking care of my 'musts'.

#2. The second thing we could do is take the 'should-man' off of our shoulder, stare it in the eyes and firmly tell him that he needs to get back in that box in the closet.  We march him back, return him to his rightful place and while we're there we give the other 'shoulds' a talking to, and tell them there will be no more funny business and they are not to come out...is that clear!!! And then we draw a line in the sand with one of the pointed little should swords, and warn them not to cross.  And as we walk away, and if we listen carefully, we can hear them chattering, "Oh, she's serious...she means business!  Did you see that line in the sand?  We better not move it or cross it!"

#3. And sadly, our third choice, it's what most of us do with our 'should'.  We just let the little fellow stay on our shoulder, burrow in, and prick away at us.  "You should go help out your neighbor.  You really should, after all, you're supposed to be a Christian and the Bible says to help your neighbor.  Speaking of the Bible, didn't you say you were going to be reading it more often...you should you know.  And you should join the choir while you're at it! You should do more for others, you should think more about others and not just think about yourself......"

 And you look down and see more should-men crawling up your legs and arms, poking you with their 'shoulds', taunting and tempting you to get off track and leave your 'musts' behind.  And sure enough the word has gotten out that you are letting the 'shoulds' come..... a whole slew of them crawling out of the box, creeping under the door and stepping over the line in the sand.  You feel like a worthless slug, as they cover you with guilt and cause mayhem with the 'musts', knocking over your soldiers.  And there you are, you poor, overwhelmed, pathetic excuse for a mother...not taking care of your 'musts' and being beaten down by a bunch of ankle biting testy little 'should-men'!  

Get the picture? So what do we learn from this story?

Know what our 'musts' are, and keep them in front of us in full focus. 

Identify the 'shoulds' as soon as they appear.

.......and remember the three choices we have when the 'should' arrives:

1. We can do the thing that the should says.  (and do it now.)

2. We can quickly recognize the critter for what it is, draw the line in the sand and put it out of our mind (remember you can always go get it later).

3.  We can choose to allow the should to stay (which eventually brings others 'shoulds' with it, covering us with guilt and getting us off track from our 'musts').

So there it is...  the choice is ours.

I say we all take on the challenge, as we are going through our day, let's pay attention to how many times a 'should-man' appears, trying to deter us from our 'must'  It's not a question if he'll get loose...it's a question of what we do with him when he arrives! 

I say it's time to draw a line in the sand!                                                              __________________

You can email me at: smallsteps4bigresults@yahoo.com