What Shall I be?

 

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.

Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking.

Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice.

And most important have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. Steve Jobs

 

Earlier this semester my speech students selected goals they wanted to accomplish by May. These topics would eventually lead to three different speeches they would present over the semester. One young lady, who I’ll call Violet, chose ‘raising her low self esteem’ as her goal.

Violet reminds me of a Disney princess character, or maybe one of Strawberry Shortcake’s girlfriends.  She is timid, sweet and proper. Sadly, I don’t believe she knows how beautiful she is.  Her big brown eyes and tiny satin bow make her look younger than her 19 years.  Her hair is a thick chocolate brown, with bangs a bit too long …(I think she wears them long and whispy to cover up more of herself). 

She has asked to talk to me after class several times this semester.  She wants to know what I think she should be.  Like so many students, Violet is confused about her future. I see her as a fragile reed swaying in the wind.  She has taken an education class from me before and thought she might want to be a teacher.  She said her sister was a teacher and really seemed to enjoy it.  I asked her what her sister thought of her becoming a teacher. 

She looked down at the ground and spoke softly, “My sister thinks I should do more with my life.”  
I looked at her questioningly, “You sister thinks you should do more than touching the lives of children every day?”
Violet smiled her sweet smile… “My sister thinks I should be a doctor, or a scientist.”   
“Ohh”…I paused,  “Do you want to become a doctor or a scientist?” 
Violet’s sounded uncertain,  “I don’t know”.   
I asked her, “What do your parents think?”  
She said they agreed with her sister. 
I asked her if she thought she was trying to please her family with her decision.  Her lips quivered, as her eyes filled up with tears, “I am always trying to do that…trying to please my family....trying to please everyone.“    
“You know, Violet, there’s a lot of choices in between becoming a teaching and a doctor. “
I suggested she find a career that was one she wanted to do.  I urged her to go speak to a school advisor and perhaps take some interest inventory tests.  That way she could talk through with someone about all her possibilities, as far as the curriculum available in our community.

Several weeks later Violet again stayed after class. She told me she had gone to see an advisor.  She said the advisor suggested that she should get into the 'Family Studies' program.  "He thought that would be a really great career for me."

“And what do you think about that?”  I asked.
She shrugged her shoulders, “Well if the advisor thinks it would be a good field for me…(pause)....I just don’t know.” 
My heart ached for her. “So far, from what you’ve told me, Violet,  it sounds like your mom, your dad, your sister and your advisor all have decided what’s best for your future.  But you know what I think is best for your future?”  She looked up at me hopefully.  “What I think is best for your future…. is for you to decide.”  I gave her a hug.

I went back to my office and found George, another student of mine, waiting for me.  I could see he was desperate for someone to talk to.  His voice was shaky, as he tried to explain the pressure he was feeling.  “I just don’t know what I'm doing anymore.... if what I’m going to school to become, is what I want to be.” I passed him my Kleenex box and listened.... 

Later that day I emailed both George and Violet and encouraged them to stay open to careers that suited them,  that they would be good at, that they would actually like to do.  I also included this quote by Steve Jobs, which gives much better advise than I can give:
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. “