Body Language

"Our bodies change our mind,  our minds change our behavior,
 and our behavior changes our outcomes."  Amy Cuddy

I was recently talking with a family member about how we think people perceive us.  She said that when she is in a crowd, she often feels invisible.   She said, "I feel that people don't even notice that I am there."

What is the perception that you think people have of you?  Is it the perception you want them to have?

Take just a minute and jot down some words that you would want others to use to describe you. (Of course the choices may vary with the circumstances, or people you are with).  Here are some adjectives to get you started thinking: serious, funny, positive, genuine, fun loving, caring, clever, professional, modest, spiritual, relaxed, confident, smart, sincere, thrill seeker, attractive, sensual, shy, outgoing, youthful, powerful, vulnerable, needy, creative, wise, inspirational, cool, mysterious, fit, energetic, sweet, competent, wild, kind, friendly, happy .....come up with your own, and select the top 3-5 descriptors that you want to be known for.

Do how you think people perceive you, and how you want them to perceive you match?

Would you like to change the perception people have of you?  Would you like to seem more confident (or perhaps feel more confident).  Would you like to appear more friendly to people? Would you like to come across as being more assertive? Do you think you give the impression that you are bored, uninterested, or depressed?    (Maybe it's because you are....) Do you ever find yourself saying, "I don't belong here?"

Do you believe that you determine and are responsible for the impression that others have of you, or do you think it is out of your control? 

Our bodies can change our minds and ultimately our bodies can change how others view us; so says Amy Cuddy and the research she talks about in this video sponsored by a TED conference.  It's called 'Your body language shapes who you are.'  My sister emailed it to me this week, and I thought I'd pass it forward to you. It's about 20 minutes.... I suggest you watch it to the end.  Let's all practice what she suggests and talk about it more next week.

 http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are.html. 

....and if you can't wait until next week to discuss it... then post your comments on this blog, or email me, Karen, at: smallsteps4bigresults@yahoo.com

Reaching your destination

"The goal you set must be challenging. At the same time, it should be realistic and attainable, not impossible to reach. It should be challenging enough to make you stretch, but not so far that you break." Rich Hansen

It probably won't surprise you to hear that I teach my college students about goal planning.  I find that the topic fits perfectly into my Speech classes.

Early on in the semester, I ask my students to raise their hands if they write down their goals and work to achieve them.  There are usually only one or two students that raise their hands.  I then share with them about a study that was done at Harvard Business School in which they interviewed all of their outgoing seniors.  One of the questions asked on the survey was do they write down their goals and work to achieve them. Only about 3% of the college graduating seniors said they did.  Ten years later, the researchers came back to those same people who were previously interviewed to see how they were doing.  One of the things they found was that those who had said they wrote down their goals and worked to achieve them, were worth more financially then the other 97% of the students combined! That statistic usually gets my students' attention. 

We then go on to talk more about the importance and impact that setting goals, putting them in writing, and coming up with a specific plan to achieve them can have on their lives. After several activities,  I have each student write down a goal they want to achieve, a step by step plan to achieve it, and then figure out where they'll be in the process of completing that goal by the end of the semester.  The students are then tasked with giving three different speeches on their goal topic over the semester: an informative, demonstration and persuasive speech.  The speeches need to contain plenty of research as well.  This semester my students have selected goals that range from: getting into medical school, to stop chewing their nails, plant a vegetable garden, stop texting and driving, learn to play a new instrument, travel to Israel, save money for a car, choreograph three dances, and of course there are many goals around the topic of health and fitness.

I make sure and explain to my students the importance of making their goals measurable, along with a specific reasonable date of attainment. One of my students selected the goal of losing weight. She said she wanted to lose forty pounds by December. 
I was surprised at her unrealistic number, "Are you kidding me," I asked her, "Forty pounds? Here it is mid October and the class ends at the beginning of December...that's less than two months.  Do you think that's a reasonable timeline for your goal?" 
She was defensive, "I can do it...I know I can...I just need to start it!" She went on to explain,  "I went on this great diet before and I lost a bunch of weight quickly!"
"Hmmm," I responded, "And when you went on that crash diet, and lost all that weight, how did that work for you?" 
She patted her stomach and her hips and giggled, "I know...I'm trying to lose it again, plus about 10 more."
I suggested she consider making her goal more realistic and attainable, perhaps cutting her goal at least by half, maybe more, and then to work on losing the other 20-30 pounds, gradually, after the class is over. 
She was frustrated, "But then it will be the Christmas season and I sure won't be able to diet then, in fact I'll gain weight then!" 
So I said to her, "Oh... so your goal isn't to lose the weight and keep it off, you just want to lose it." We both chuckled. 
She said, "Yeah, I guess that's the way I'm looking at it, isn't it."

When I set large sweeping unrealistic goals for myself, it doesn't work, at least not in the long term.  I suspect you're not much different. We want to take large, quick strides to get there faster. But in our journeys through life, it is the small consistent steps that bring us to our destinations.  It's those realistic and attainable goals that we set, that not only challenge us, but move us forward in a positive direction.   

Please post some of your 'aha' moments, examples, or observations on the blog, or email me, Karen, at: smallsteps4bigresults@yahoo.com