I Can Do Whatever I Want to Do

“Retirement means doing whatever I want to do;  It means choice” Dianne Hahirny

 I listlessly shuffle around my house in my slippers and wonder, what shall I do today….… now that I’m retired, now that I have more leisure.  I walk into a bedroom and find myself staring at a mountain of boxes, hauled home from my office.

 Initially I planned to sort through all these books, papers and supplies at work, and only carry home the very few things that were left.  But I decided, in the end, to just haul it all home and go through it at my leisure. I will have more of it you know; more leisure; now that I am retired.

 This pyramid of cardboard before me, my husband calculated, represents one box per each year of my employment.  Perhaps I can just throw a king size sheet over this mound to make it disappear for a time; I’m not yet ready to plow through the remnants of 24 years of teaching. I notice a rolled up poster protruding out from the top, urging me to come closer.  I reach for it, slip off the rubber band, and gently unroll it.  I look at it and smile.   This gift is a beautiful, colorful, creative image, designed by a student. It includes one of my very favorite sayings; one I often shared in my classes....I so wanted the words to inspire them, like they do me.”

 I remember that these words of author, Anais Nin are best when read out loud……….…so I do..

 “We.. write to heighten our own awareness of life…We write to taste life, twice, in the moment and in retrospection…We write to be able to transcend our life, to reach beyond it…to teach ourselves to speak with others, to record the journey into the labyrinth. To expand our world, when we feel strangled, constricted, lonely…When I don’t write I feel my world shrinking.  I feel I lose my fire, my color.”

 I roll up this treasured poster and place it carefully back in its box, take a deep breath and sigh. “I’ll sort through this another day.” Instead, I walk into my den, pick up my journal and new pen and go to my most comfortable, cushiony chair; next to the big open window; and begin writing….recording my journey, hoping to expand my world.

 

What am I going to do now?

                                                               Painted by one of my students

“If you love what you do and you think that it matters,

                           what could be more fun”         Katharine Graham

 This quote hangs in my office, is included in my school emails, and I share it with my students at the beginning of each semester.  I consider myself one of the very lucky few that really love their job.  Or should I say ‘loved’ their job. 

 I’m now officially ‘retired’.  I gave back my office keys, downloaded all my documents off my computer, met with HR and signed off. This last week has been a roller coaster of emotions for me.  It was filled with lots of well-wishes, kind words, lovely gifts, sweet cards, hugs, get-togethers, balloons and a few tears.    I wonder… is the party over?

 With each of the conversations I had regarding my retirement I was asked the question, “So what will you do now?”  I answered with pretty much the same response.  “Spend more time with my children and grand babies, write, take walks, do workshops, ...and my husband thinks I need to raise chickens.” But as I sat in my hard metal fold out chair out on the football field on graduation night, the philosophy teacher sitting next to me said, “ So, Karen, what are you going to do when you retire?”  Nothing came out of my mouth…maybe because I thought I needed to philosophize, but it was like the first time I had been asked the question and it felt like I hadn’t really thought it through.   I finally whispered, “You know, I really don’t know.”

 Frankly I don’t like the word ‘retirement’.  It sounds so old…and tired…not only tired…but re-tired.  Depending on your accent it can sound like you’re saying ‘retard’ or ‘retread’;  None of these are what I want to be. I must tell you, I’m struggling with not only the concept of being a retired senior citizen, but being branded with that ‘retired’ word is troubling. I’m at least pleased to see that I’m not the only one who has a problem with it.  Ernest Hemingway declared “retirement is the ugliest word in the language.”

 Spanish cellist Pablo Casals concluded, “To retire is the beginning of death.”

Ramasami Natarajan (yeah …I don’t know who he is either..but he wrote some essays)   described the day he announced his retirement,… “all my ‘strengths ‘ were stripped off me by some unknown force.  I became a wimp in the eyes of the world.”

 My husband bought me a book titled, ‘How to Retire Happy, Wild and Free’. In the first chapter, there is a little cartoon character fellow that is lounging in his rocking chair reading a book about retirement and the caption says, “The only major problem with retirement is that it gives you more time to read about the problem of retirement.  If you can avoid this trap, you have it made.” Yep…I’ve been reading about retirement…it pitfalls, practical advice, and inspirational stories.

 A good friend of mine suggested I pick up a book by Jane Pauley; ‘Your Life Calling; Re imagining the rest of your life.’   Pauley writes about her first year of retirement being spent lying on her couch.  She said she filled her days by making up a list of all the things she could do now that she was retired.  She said as the lonely days slowly and painfully passed, her list of possibilities grew, until one day her son called her up and told her, “Mom, you have got enough good ideas….Now it’s time to pick one and do something.”

 So perhaps that’s how I’ll begin…spending some time lounging on the couch and making a list of what I might do now that I’m retired.

Choosing a Goal and Sticking To It

"This one step - choosing a goal and sticking to it - changes everything." Scott Reed

These final weeks in my speech classes represent what I believe is the ultimate goal for Education….A change of behavior in the students.

We just finished up the persuasive speeches.  The students used their personal goals (created at the beginning of the semester) as topics for their presentations.  We heard speeches that urged us to make changes in our life; eat healthier, exercise more, save money, and get better organized.  But most importantly, we were persuaded that making a decision to do something was the first step in making it happen.

Gloria’s goal was to be able to run 8 miles.  She said she was at 5 miles now, but feeling so proud of herself.  She excitedly told us how she had raced back to tell her mother, squealing and jumping around.  “I did it, Mom…I ran 5 miles without stopping…I did it…I did it!”

Sherry showed us pictures of her newly homemade chicken coop, along with a convincing story to get us thinking about getting into the egg business. 

Christopher serenaded us with his Ukulele, and urged us to enrich our lives by learning to play a new instrument.

Mary told us about her newly started up dog grooming business. She asked us if we thought it was time to stop our dreaming…and just do it. 

Bill introduced his speech in Spanish and suggested that we too take on the challenge of learning a new language.

Patricia lost 15 pounds.  She shared a lot of facts and research about the benefits of eating healthy.  She talked about how good it felt to lose the weight, but more importantly how proud she was of losing her self-defeating attitude. 

Juan’s mother brought him to the United States at the age of two.  He talked about some of the challenges he faced as an illegal alien.  He urged us to embrace our country and all the rights and opportunities we take for granted. As  as held out his newly acquired citizenship papers, Juan’s eyes  weren't the only ones that filled with tears.

We heard Brandy tell us about a new sport that had helped her overcome her past abusive scars and self-doubts.  She had tried out for and won a spot on a local roller derby team. “Don’t knock it till you try it,” said this tall thin woman who had not only found a new sport to play, but she’d also acquired a new attitude. 

Beto passed out his business cards as he we watched and listened to an awesome music video he and his business partner had created. 

 And my dear student Violet finally selected a major and encouraged us also to follow our heart and raise our self-esteem. She talked about her past of living in the shadows; with low expectations, fearful and depressed. One student asked her, “What was the thing that got you to start working on your self- esteem?”  Violet responded in her quiet, princess voice, “I had been thinking about it for a while, but this class convinced me.  I finally realized that my low self-esteem, no doubt had come as a result of external things that had happened to me,  but if I wanted to feel better about myself…the answer came internally; it had to come from inside of me. I just told myself, ‘self, things are about to change around here….and they have.”  Her speech brought us all to our feet.

We heard inspirational story after inspirational story. The persuasive words were full of pride, of promise and of conviction with the changes they had made in their lives.  They were determined to keep setting goals and sticking to them.  

Oh yes…and did I mention; my students also got better at public speaking!


I'd love to hear from me.  You can email me at: Smallsteps4bigresults@yahoo.com

 

Reaching the Finish Line!

“No matter how long it takes, if you keep moving,

one step at a time,

you will reach the finish line.” Author Unknown

What is it about these four beautiful women that make me want to write about them?  Is it that three of them are related to me?  Is it because I’m inspired about their run?  Is it that I’m so impressed with their fitness???  Or rather, is it that I am intrigued with the stories hidden behind those numbers they wore on that warm spring day at the Music Center Marathon in Nashville?  What do you suppose their motivation was that led them to rendezvous in Tennessee for this special girls’ weekend? 

None of them were born as runners.   Each of them took their first step into the world of running on a different day.  Two of them had run marathons before.  One was running her first marathon, another, her first half marathon.  They traveled from Colorado, North Carolina and Knoxville to be there.  And although they came from different places, leaving different loved ones and responsibilities behind them; this day they shared one major thing in common, as they gathered alongside 30,000 thousand others to hear the starting gun….All with the same goal…. make it to the finish line.

This puzzling world of runners isn’t for all of us.  Some of us would rather cheer from our living room couches. I can’t quite wrap my brain around the  pleasure found in putting one’s body through the pain, fighting the dehydration, with sweat dripping, and heat rising, keeping that pounding pace, praying for another spurt of adrenaline….just to reach a finish line??? Who are these people?

Actually two of my daughters are ‘these’ people.   One was running her first half marathon that day.  It was merely a year ago that she started running.  Within her first few weeks of training she hurt her ankle and had to take some time to let it heal (Most of us would have quit about then…I would have called it a sure sign from God). 

I told her it was really amazing to think  that only a year ago she started off on her journey, and now here she was running a half marathon. She agreed…She said she couldn’t have imagined then she would be running over 13 miles one day. I asked her how she did it. She said, she thought it was actually three things that allowed her to accomplish it.  She said the first thing was that she began by setting a small goal.  A goal she thought she could reach.  She said when she first started running she could not even make it ¼ mile without stopping, so that was her first goal; next was ½  mile, then a mile. She said she just kept raising the bar; little by little…always choosing a small goal that she believed she could reach. That reminds me of this quote from a Greek poet named Hesiod, “If you add a little to a little, and then do it again, soon that little shall be much.”

She said the second thing that allowed her to accomplish her goal was that she dedicated specific times to running. She organized a running schedule and set up her baby sitters for specific days.  She said it didn’t matter if it was raining, below 30 degrees and the wind blowing, or above 90 degrees and the sun beating down; even if she didn’t feel good….she just did it.

And third, she said she had support.  She had a running partner that was by her side.  She had a husband who helped with the kids, along with family members that encouraged, cheered, and celebrated with her along the way.

I asked her if there was a time during the 13.1 miles when she didn’t think she could make it; when it just seemed too hard.  She said, “Yes, at mile 12.”  I asked, “What did you do?”  She said, “I just kept going; putting one foot in front of the other until I reached the finish line.”

And reach the finish line they all did.  Congratulations, ladies.  Thanks for inspiring us!

Is there a finish line that you would like to get to?  

I think my daughter's points are perfect reminders for us when trying to meet not only our fitness goals, but other life goals as well.  So don’t forget: 1. Take small steps and raise the bar gradually 2. Prioritize and Persist in meeting your goals and 3. Find a support network to encourage you along your journey..

Breaking it down to those 3 simple steps makes running a marathon sound easy, doesn’t it?   I mean, really…..how hard could it be?