What Shall I be?

 

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.

Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking.

Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice.

And most important have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. Steve Jobs

 

Earlier this semester my speech students selected goals they wanted to accomplish by May. These topics would eventually lead to three different speeches they would present over the semester. One young lady, who I’ll call Violet, chose ‘raising her low self esteem’ as her goal.

Violet reminds me of a Disney princess character, or maybe one of Strawberry Shortcake’s girlfriends.  She is timid, sweet and proper. Sadly, I don’t believe she knows how beautiful she is.  Her big brown eyes and tiny satin bow make her look younger than her 19 years.  Her hair is a thick chocolate brown, with bangs a bit too long …(I think she wears them long and whispy to cover up more of herself). 

She has asked to talk to me after class several times this semester.  She wants to know what I think she should be.  Like so many students, Violet is confused about her future. I see her as a fragile reed swaying in the wind.  She has taken an education class from me before and thought she might want to be a teacher.  She said her sister was a teacher and really seemed to enjoy it.  I asked her what her sister thought of her becoming a teacher. 

She looked down at the ground and spoke softly, “My sister thinks I should do more with my life.”  
I looked at her questioningly, “You sister thinks you should do more than touching the lives of children every day?”
Violet smiled her sweet smile… “My sister thinks I should be a doctor, or a scientist.”   
“Ohh”…I paused,  “Do you want to become a doctor or a scientist?” 
Violet’s sounded uncertain,  “I don’t know”.   
I asked her, “What do your parents think?”  
She said they agreed with her sister. 
I asked her if she thought she was trying to please her family with her decision.  Her lips quivered, as her eyes filled up with tears, “I am always trying to do that…trying to please my family....trying to please everyone.“    
“You know, Violet, there’s a lot of choices in between becoming a teaching and a doctor. “
I suggested she find a career that was one she wanted to do.  I urged her to go speak to a school advisor and perhaps take some interest inventory tests.  That way she could talk through with someone about all her possibilities, as far as the curriculum available in our community.

Several weeks later Violet again stayed after class. She told me she had gone to see an advisor.  She said the advisor suggested that she should get into the 'Family Studies' program.  "He thought that would be a really great career for me."

“And what do you think about that?”  I asked.
She shrugged her shoulders, “Well if the advisor thinks it would be a good field for me…(pause)....I just don’t know.” 
My heart ached for her. “So far, from what you’ve told me, Violet,  it sounds like your mom, your dad, your sister and your advisor all have decided what’s best for your future.  But you know what I think is best for your future?”  She looked up at me hopefully.  “What I think is best for your future…. is for you to decide.”  I gave her a hug.

I went back to my office and found George, another student of mine, waiting for me.  I could see he was desperate for someone to talk to.  His voice was shaky, as he tried to explain the pressure he was feeling.  “I just don’t know what I'm doing anymore.... if what I’m going to school to become, is what I want to be.” I passed him my Kleenex box and listened.... 

Later that day I emailed both George and Violet and encouraged them to stay open to careers that suited them,  that they would be good at, that they would actually like to do.  I also included this quote by Steve Jobs, which gives much better advise than I can give:
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. “ 

Each Day is a gift

"Each day is God's gift to you. 

What you do with it is your gift to Him."

                                                                     T.D. Jakes

One of my goals for this year is to live a more passionate, intentional life. It's not really in my nature to do that.  I find I spend too much of my time pining over the past and fretting about the future.  I want to learn to soak up the present; and breathe in these precious and fleeting moments.

I begin each morning with my journal in hand.  I start by writing down the things I am thankful for.   I also created a visual for myself, in order to remind myself how precious each day is….. I pretend that there is a knock at my front door.  I open it and find the Lord, standing there, and reaching out to me with a gift in His hands.  As I carefully unwrap it, I see rays of sun shooting through.  The gift He gives me is ‘today’....'one day'….'this day'.....  
 

My favorite way to celebrate my 'todays' is by taking walks through our citrus trees, into the neighbor’s alfalfa fields and along the canal banks. When I leave the house I'm reminded that our home has become a bird sanctuary. I often see our roadrunner policing the area and strutting his stuff. This time of year the Mexican Palo Verde trees are full of  little, yellow breasted finch, warblers and hummingbirds; all delicately fluttering about.  The feisty black and white mockingbirds are once again playing their 'king the mountain' game.

When I pass by our asparagus bushes, I usually scare up a rabbit.... the culprit of the bitten off tips of my asparagus spears.  Our century plant is in full bloom.  Did you know that once this desert agave bursts forth its blooms, it begins to die? I appreciate it and eye it more closely now.  
 

I brush through the lemon trees, and am surrounded by dozens of doves cooing out,  and grey sparrows busily building their nests. By the time I round the first corner I’m often greeted by the chubby little killdeer birds scampering along the ditch banks.  They make the funniest sounding little, pip squeaky cries while they anxiously pace along the ditch banks. 

It was especially beautiful a few days ago because the canals were full of rushing water.  The alfalfa was being irrigated and dozens of white herons, perched high atop the tree branches were swooping down to scoop up the insects. Occasionally a hawk will take part in this celebration as he scans for the mice and rabbits darting out from the rising irrigation water, looking for higher ground.  And some days when I’m very lucky, I might even see an osprey diving into the canal water and fishing out a carp.  It seems that for God’s creation, every day is an adventure; every day a celebration; every day a gift.

On today’s walk, I find only inches of standing water in the canal banks ….I stop to watch tiny minnows swimming in circles; as if they were children splashing around in the neighbor’s pond.  I see my shadow on the dirt path and stare up at the hot desert sun.  I look back down at the minnows in the quickly evaporating pools… I call out to them as though they could hear, ”You better enjoy this day, little ones, cuz it looks like that's all you got." 

 
And I am once again reminded....Each day is a gift….

After writing my blog, I came across this video and song written by Cathy Ellis and sung by Jill Switzer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0k24ZNXuaE

 

 

 

 

Tiny Habits

                                                      

“When you know how to create tiny habits you can change your life forever”

BJ Fogg PHD

I’m psyched!  I came across an awesome 'TED Talk' and Waa La...it's just what I needed. I mentioned last week that I want to get stronger.  My biggest barrier has been getting and staying motivated to actually do that. 

But then I watched a video titled Forget big change, start with a tiny habit. What I love about this 18 minute presentation is that it’s stuff I already know…and I already agree with…it just helps me to put it all together.  Dr. Fogg is a behavioral psychologist; one whose study, research and self-experimentation has led him to determine a formula for long-term behavior change.

Fogg says that in order to see long-term change happen, three things must occur simultaneously: the behavior, the motivation and the trigger.  And he tells us that the harder the behavior is to accomplish, the more motivation it takes to do it for the long term.  So if we want to change our behavior for the long term, then our best chance of being successful with it, is to break down our large goal into smaller behaviors.  And then break those down into tiny behavior steps, which are easy to accomplish and take little motivation.  Then we pair up the tiny step with a trigger.

I’m not going to go into any more detail about Fogg’s formula; instead I want you to watch the ‘TED Talk’ for yourself.     

                     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdKUJxjn-R8    

I am really drawn to this ‘tiny step’ idea as you can imagine.  I have continued to reflect on the necessity to create goals in our lives, write them down in specific and measurable language and regularly review them.  What I have grown to realize though, is that the more I break down that goal into clear, easy action steps….or behaviors….the more likely I am to be successful. 

So why not incorporate this idea into our desire to achieve a goal.  How about my goal of getting healthier? Using Fogg’s philosophy I will take my goal of getting healthier and break it down into categories; and one of those categories is my goal to become stronger.   I need to then take that and break it down into behaviors that need to happen in order for me to accomplish that.  If you’re like me, we too often think in big leaps.  For example: I think about what I need to do to get stronger and I think I should join the gym and go and work out for several hours a week doing strength training….that’s where my lack of motivation kicks in, as well as the difficulty with the task, and I decide “Oh well, I’m old; I’m not supposed to feel stronger….or maybe I’ll just think about signing up for the gym after school gets out.”

But Fogg reminds us to think in terms of tiny steps….He gives an example on the video of attaching a task that is easy to do, and doesn’t take much motivation, and includes it with a trigger.  He decided that every time he pees he will do two push-ups!  (that way by the end of each day he will have done 10-15 push-ups)  As he starts that habit, he said he increased the amount of push-ups he chooses to do. 

After I finished listening to Fogg’s TED Talk, I thought, “That’s Perfect….that’s what I will do!” It allows me to break down the larger goal of getting healthy, to a smaller goal of getting stronger, to doing two push-ups several times a day.

I immediately go down on the carpet to do a push-up.  "Ohhhhhh No!  I can’t do a push up! I can't even do a girl's push up...I’m too weak…are you kidding me! Shoot!"  But wait….. I’ll break that down to tinier steps.  I’ll do push-ups against the wall, and work on getting stronger until I can manage to do a floor one. I also am going to steal Dr. Fogg's idea of using  ‘going to the bathroom’ as a trigger. I'll do 5 push up's against the wall 5 times a day.   

Now it’s your turn.  Think about a goal you want to achieve, break it down to  tiny, easy behavior steps and attach it to a trigger.  Start today and let’s see how we do.  I'm expecting all of us to get great results! I’ll check in next week.

In the mean time, email me with your ideas for tiny steps:  smallsteps4bigresults@yahoo.com


 

Missing the Mark

 
"Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary"
                                                                                                                      Edgar Allen Poe

Damien, one of my students in my speech class, was giving his demonstration speech on the proper way to shoot a free throw.  He brought the class outside to a nearby basketball court.  When he finished showing us the proper form, Damien asked for volunteers to come up to the free throw line and give it a try.  There was a silent moment, one student looking at another, and then Damien said..."Why doesn't the professor come up and show us how it's done."  "Crap!" I murmured to myself, "I don't want to stand up in front of these 24 youngsters and make a fool out of myself...but then I make a bigger fool of myself if I don't try it."  

I stood planted before the basket. Damien reminded me to make sure my hands were placed in just the right position and to bend my knees and use my legs. "O.K....I'm ready!" I shot the ball.  Oops.... it didn't even come within two feet of hitting the rim, much less the net.  Use your legs, I thought to myself.   I tried again...big fat air ball with no strength whatsoever behind it!  Mercifully another student came forward to relieve me....I went back with the group, feeling old and weak and weary.
 
I kept thinking about my poor performance and what a whimpy wet noodle I felt like .  I pouted around for weeks........poor me....old...old...old...me....my strength is fading away......After I finished my 'pity party' I made an announcement..... "I am going to, by golly, get enough strength in my arms to shoot a free throw!"

Well...I spoke those words back in the fall semester, and now we're well into the spring.  I still don't have enough strength to throw a boiled egg in the air.  My daughter tried to help by giving me some tips about doing some exercises like push-ups, lunges, squats...you know the strength training drill.  And the last time I went to visit her, she asked how I was doing with the exercises..  I sadly admitted that after trying it a few times, I gave up...I got a tweak in my knee after the first set of lunges!  I tried to forget about it......after all I've got arthritis and I might hurt myself...poor me..poor me.... poor, poor me...so weak and weary.

But a pesky little 'should' keeps pricking me with his sword. He reminds me that on my lists of musts is taking care of my health...and part of getting healthier means I should be trying to get stronger....That little 'should man' keeps whispering in my ear in his annoying little voice, "You should start working on getting stronger you know....you really should....you really should!!" 

Would you stop!!! I know I should.......I know I should.

Am I alone on this?  Anybody else out there feeling weak and weary?
If I could just manage to get motivated, and stay motivated to do some strength training exercises....maybe I could start out with something easy...

....and what do you know...sure enough.. I did.... I can't wait to share it with you next week.


Email: smallsteps4bigresults@yahoo.com